IT Service Providers

 The irony of this is NOT lost on me.

Having worked in IT for long enough to see some pretty fucking dumb things happen, it's my turn to be on the receiving end of it.

In my line of work we work to provide users with a consistent (generally trying to avoid it being consistently shit) experience, the idea that you go to a portal page when you can ask for help, or ask for something. Then behind that stuff happens and you're told either it's approved or it's rejected (and why).

So take my current predicament, I need a replacement handset (mobile phone). The idea being I go to a site where I search till I find the option to "order a standard handset" or some such. Then the powers that be will review and hopefully approve before it gets ordered (or fulfilled from stock if that exists).

Compare with the actual experience, from the first site you find "Procurement" then a specific menu of "Assisted buying" which then launches you onto another site. It's all got to be authenticated so you think it passed me through without me having to click on "Login" again? No, but at least the cookie got me in without doing a full authentication process.

Next you're presented with some options and "Go Shopping" looks pretty fine to me. Except that once you start down this path you're on the "Non standard" shopping option where you have to describe everything in order to get it. Not what I want, so back to the previous menu and it seems I need to do an "Advance Catalog Search". It's a standard pissing mobile phone for fucks sake.

So a few clicks later I've got the shopping cart, except if I try to proceed I'm presented with a number of errors for mandatory fields and incorrectly completed fields that are all around which cost center and other such financial details are to be charged. HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS SYSTEM BEFORE!

Some more muddling around and eventually I find a way to submit the request. Total cost just over €130. This number is important, as apparently it being over €100 means I need to e-mail someone to get their approval to spend this money. Someone in another country several timezones removed, who's got a job title like "CFO". Yes dear CFO you're apparently not busy so can you approve this €130 spend.

Let's play the "How much has this cost so far?" game.

I've now spent ~ 2hours dealing with this shit storm process and tool. I'm a cheap consultant so that's ~ €350 of my working time wasted.

The CFO is now getting chased by me.... repeated pestering e-mails, because clearly they've got NOTHING BETTER TO DO. Even allowing for the entire attention grabbing event to take no more than 30 minutes including drafting some e-mail response to hopefully say I can have the damn phone and then also tell me to politely fuck off, that's another €50 or so of their time. So the company has now saved a grand total of Fuck All, and cost itself in the order of €400 - so far - and I haven't even been able to submit the order yet.

So next time you're hacked off at the latest shit system that IT have given you, remember it's human fuck wits that decide how it's supposed to work.

Time for an(other) election!

Yay!

Another day, another vote, this time a whole big General Election.

Oh, the days and weeks of endless bullshit that the majority of politicians will pedal to the UK.

So our current PM, who is showing an uncanny and determined skill in trying to ensure that she got in charge and now remains so, is going directly against all the comments she has made before, blaming the main opposition, the EU, and anyone who DARES to question her for the need to go to the polls.

What she doesn't want to admit is that based on current opinion polls she should win an even bigger majority, meaning she won't have to deal with her own back benchers to get her policy through. This election is not about the Brexit negotiations, it's not about (SOUND BITE ALERT!) "strong and stable government", it's about our PM doing what's best for her and her determination to remain as PM.

As we haven't even begun the exit negotiations it's alarming how little clue the ministers for the UK have about what needs to be addressed. It's incredulous to believe that the ministry for Brexit have published summary trade graphs that support the position that the UK has benefited from being a part of the IEC and later EU. That the same department then publishes another graph showing how many countries the UK trades with and every single one of them are covered, in some way, as either being part of the EU, having trade agreements with the EU, being part of the single market, or applying to join.

There is no debate because those most strongly for leaving do not want to deal in fact, but in "alternative truth". When you want to say "black is white and white is black" that is not "an alternative truth". That is a lie, or an indication of stupidity or some mental condition that requires diagnosis.

All the pro-remain people posting on social media are not going to make a difference. Those who are not keen to share their stance will hide it, those who are willing to share their stance will not discuss their reasons but just shout them. Case in point was the pensioner who yelled at Tim Farron, there was no fact in what he was yelling but he was passionate and determined. He would not engage in debate or discussion because deep down he (and the majority of them) know that their stance is not supported by noise of their shouting, so they must shout louder to ensure that they're understood. It's a classic British was of communicating to people in other languages, don't speak the local language just speak LOUDER. Unfortunately shouting doesn't make what you say any more sensible, just highlights that there's something wrong with what you're saying....

Once this election and disastrous negotiation is complete, the politicians must be held to account. And the public? They will just bare the consequences, and those consequences will be felt.....

Article 50, a new day

So finally the deed is done. The UK has triggered the process by which they will leave the EU.

For all the noise that is being heard from certain moronic individuals (no side being named), some things have become clearer (for those that didn't understand, or couldn't accept them):

1. All of those EU laws that are so loathed will become UK laws. They don't disappear overnight, you get to keep them till MPs decide what, if anything, they want to do to change them.
2. Despite assurances that a deal will be done, no one, and that means NO ONE, has any clue as to what if any deal will be done.
3. Some car manufacturers have committed to on-going production in the UK despite the uncertainty. Great news. Just one thing to consider, companies can re-evaluate those decisions, and if the deal offered to the companies don't make up for any new problems in trade they can will production.
4. There is talk now that the exit process will in fact take nearer to TEN YEARS. But the two year count down is ticking down daily.
5. At the end of the two years anything traded into the EU will still, and always be, required to adhere to the standards they set. The UK will have no say in the setting of those standards, but don't worry we'll trade with other countries because that big a hole in the UK economy is easy to patch with no problems.
6. There's no extra money anywhere to be had as a result of this.
7. There is no assurance from the UK government that those EU grants to the poorer regions or to farmers will be maintained.
8. The £ has lost around 10-15% of it's value against the $ and €, but there's no obvious boost in manufacturing output as a result of goods from the UK costing less abroad.
9. The same loss of value means everything obtained from abroad is going to cost more, if you haven't noticed it yet, it's coming. Big companies hedge costs, and will have had contracts to maintain a price/cost. Contracts end and new ones are needed.
10. Remember the global oil price is in $, though there are fluctuations on that prices if we haven't had the 10% price increase yet, it's coming.
11. Those "bankers" that are to blame for everything (yes that's sarcasm, they have their share of responsibility but by no means are responsible for all the problems), well good riddance to them as they move to EU locations due to controls on € clearing. Those salaries, that tax income, it can all sod off because the UK doesn't need it (more sarcasm). 
12. The UK economy has not gone into recession, there's been no emergency budget. The fear campaign from the remain side has been proven wrong. Or did they get their timing wrong? Just keep in mind that after the referendum nothing has changed in terms of trade. There was a shock that the Bank of England moved to calm. Until the exit negotiations show what will be most economic activity will continue as normal.

 To those who say "it's done, be silent", do re-engage your brain for a moment, and remember that the UK is a democracy where people are entitle to voice their views whether you agree with them or not.

The UK was one of the poorest EU countries when the rebate was secured, the improvement in the UK economically has come while being part of the EU to be come the 2nd or 3rd richest (depending on exchange rates).

Just some thoughts.

What will be only tomorrow knows.

Up yours to the elite!

2016 has been an interesting year. The phrase "May you live in interesting times" is a curse, not a blessing.

First we had the UK vote to "leave the EU" though the specifics of what this mean are no clearer some four plus months later. The usual vapid, meaningless "Brexit means Brexit" statements from the usual sham politicians. Then the vitriol that UK sovereign law is up held meaning that the Government have to go before Parliament (as elected by the UK population) before triggering the exit of the EU (Article 50) following the advisory referendum. Yes the thing people seem incapable of remembering is that in law, the referendum meant nothing. Politically it means something else.

Now we rise to a new dawn in the USA. A figure who's spent his campaign showing disdain and outright hostility to all races and creeds that could be found to blame is president elect.


The common ground in both political events is one of disaffected voters looking to blame something for their dissatisfaction, sticking their two fingers up at the establishment.

Don't get me wrong, I think most (nearer all) politicians are not worth the space they occupy. They will happily lie to you, or at least mislead you, to get you to support their position. This year, or in these two campaigns, it has seemed more obvious, and yet a large number of people have still supported these views.

There have been two main themes to both campaigns:

- Blame immigration
- We will make Insert Country Name great again.

The immigration blame game is odd in that the areas where it gathers the most support (certainly in the UK) appear to be those same areas that have the lowest levels of immigration.The best comment made around immigration for the UK EU referendum was along the lines of:

Schroedinger's immigrant: The one that simultaneously takes you job, and your benefits.

There is no supporting evidence of immigrants "stealing" jobs. In % terms immigrants are less likely to be on benefits, and more likely to be working and paying into the system. For the "stealing" your job, those who make these comments tend to appear to be the same people who aim to spend their lives using the benefits system to fund them and never hoping to find work. The jobs are there, if you're willing to put the effort in. If an individual from another country can turn up, with English not being their first language, and search for and find a job inside a week, what is preventing you from doing the same? The honest truth... Nothing.

On the "Make Country great again" line. What does that even mean? It appeals to those who look around and don't like their lives so their entire country is not great. Yet the opportunities are there to better your life, if you're willing.

Human nature is, more often than not, quite lazy. The easy option is to find blame for our situation in others, and the campaigns have successfully appealed to this. There are those that claim this is two fingers up to the political elite. Well if that's the case you've been suckered by business men instead of politicians.

Today the world got a shock, tomorrow the sun will still rise, and in the days, weeks, months and years to come we will eventually know the truth. Don't expect it to look like what you think you voted for, it never is....

Dear Local Council

This will be a short post that highlights some of the competence that the UK public get from their councils. Not sure how the Brexitiers will find a way to blame the EU but I am sure they will find their own special dislogical logic as ever...

So a simple enough exercise, the lines on the roads were getting faded and one day we observed that they had been freshened up. Nothing wrong with this.

A week or so later said road was scheduled to be resurfaced. So freshly painted white lines and all were ripped up to lay the fresh asphalt. A few days after this the road markings were painted once more.

Given the do more with less society was supposed to be around financials not sense the absence of sense resulting in additional spend is not something to be taken lightly. Even if it is irritatingly amusing!

dON'T SHOUT! i CAN'T HEAR YOU.....

For those of you who ever get the opportunity to visit London, I will take this time to recommend to you a visit to Bunhill Fields Burial Ground. There are some rather famous name of English literature buried there and it is a spot of tranquillity within the bustling heart of this town.

With an opening like that you may wonder where this is headed.... Read on if you want to know more.

This morning I had reason to be passing through Bunhill Fields, many pedestrians pass through on their way to and from their destinations as it's a convenient and calm cut through. As the path is not very wide (two people is fine, three don't quite fit side by side) I found myself walking behind a lady. Hmmm, "lady" may be the wrong word, "adult female" may be a better descriptor. She was on the mobile phone and it seems having some problems communicating with the individual on the other end of the line. During this communication break-down she could be heard to shout, quite loudly, (I did mention that Bunhill Fields is a calm and tranquil place didn't I?) those words which have caused me so much mirth:

"Don't shout, I can't hear you"

For those of you not familiar with the London pronunciation I can at best attempt to spell this out as follows:

"Dwaant shaaart, I caarn't ear ya"

After the success of the London 2012 Olympics and Paralympics, with friendly Londoner's everywhere welcoming people to the city, there's something heartening to see, that the ignorant imbecility that is perhaps a truer depiction of us (tarred with my own brush damn it!) is there to be found once more.

Damn it Blackberry!!!

Initially I thought I'd be asking "What the heck is it with Blackberry and service outages?", however, there's another aspect of this that's even more important and frustrating (to me of course!).

My God damn Blackberry continues to work again! Why, if there's these large service disruptions that are impacting my colleagues, is it that mine is unaffected? I have my suspicions, largely based around the crap old model of Blackberry that I have, probably running on older infrastructure that is left as is....

Should I get an iPhone? No, not interested, if I get an alternative it will not be Apple...